That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
