from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
