her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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