we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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