tell your sister to shave her snatch
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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