just come out here and I will go home with you...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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