He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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