I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
