I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
