3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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