i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
