He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
