My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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