no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
