It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
