I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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