last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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