K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
