it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
