i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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