Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
