Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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