How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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