Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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