I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
