I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize