dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just high enough for therapy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
