i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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