Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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