I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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