She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
