He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
