So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
