I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
