Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
