ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
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I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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