There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
