How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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