How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
