I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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