...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
