You don't have asthma, your pregnant
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
