I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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