I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
