Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
