she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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