Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
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I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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