I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
