i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
