And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
