Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
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