She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Quick, to the slutcave!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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