So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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