I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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