two words: eviction party
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
