I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The feeling are messing with the penis
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
