Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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