I must be too annoying 4 u.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
