Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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