You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You're like the curious george of whores
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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