it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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