You're so nebulous sometimes
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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