I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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