apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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