You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
