Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
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This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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