Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
