My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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