guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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