p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
